How to stop living for the weekend, according to well-being experts

Here's what experts want you to know about finding that work-life balance rather than waiting for the weekend. (Pexels/Photo by Rahul Pandit)

“Everybody’s working for the weekend,” according to Canadian rock band Loverboy. If you work a traditional five-day workweek, you might relate to that feeling.

But if someone is in a constant loop of dreading Monday through Friday and only looking forward to days off, it might not be the most fulfilling way to live, psychology experts say.

“It’s totally understandable, and a lot of people are living their lives in that way, but I don’t think it’s the most satisfying way,” said Dr. James Pawelski, professor of practice and director of education in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania.

“There are five weekdays and only two weekend days. So, if most of (the time) you’re looking back or you’re looking forward, you’re missing out on your life,” Pawelski said.

Whether or not you have your dream job, there are ways to incorporate more activities you enjoy throughout the week to make the workdays more exciting. Here’s what Pawelski and other experts want you to know about finding that work-life balance rather than waiting for the weekend.

Structuring the weekdays

After a busy workday, it’s tempting to want to go home and plop down on the couch for the rest of the evening — even Pawelski agrees. But sometimes an extra push to do a different activity after work can be more energizing and satisfying.

“It’s a paradox — we think it’s taking a break that energizes, right? If you’re on empty, you just got to take a break until you feel more energy,” he said. “But it turns out that effort energizes.”

Instead of scheduling every activity on the weekend, Pawelski recommends planning a fun or goal-focused activity during the week to keep momentum going after work.

Pawelski has started Thursday night improv classes with his wife, Suzann Pileggi Pawelski. And they both go, even when they’re tired.

“When it comes around to Thursday night, and it’s been a crazy busy week. And if you said to me, ‘Would you like to go to improv right now? … or would you rather just kind of sit down and relax?’ I’d probably say, ‘You know what, I’m exhausted. I just want to sit down and relax,” Pawelski said. “But the thing is, it’s already scheduled. It’s paid for. We now have really good friends there. … And so, you know, you get to improv, and before long, it’s like, ‘Oh my goodness. This is so energizing.’”

When the next day rolls around, it feels more satisfying to have followed through with your promises, even if it was hard in the moment, said Pileggi Pawelski, a well-being writer and positive psychology expert. The couple coauthored the book “Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.”

Shared activities can also help build relationships and foster those moments to connect with people throughout the week, she added. “We live our lives in the moment, and unfortunately, a lot of people miss the opportunity to connect if you’re just waiting for the weekend, whether it’s with your romantic partner, your friends (or) colleagues at work.”

To make more meaningful interactions that feel less transactional than the usual small talk during the week, Pileggi Pawelski recommends setting a goal to learn something new about a person every day, asking them questions that relate to them and their individuality. Planned activities that both people find exciting, such as the improv classes, a team sport or a meetup for coffee and a puzzle, are also helpful to making these connections.

“Our relationships and our social connections are the most important thing to well-being, and I think a lot of us lose ourselves in work,” she said. “Just think of something that brings you joy. There’s no right or wrong. … Plan that activity — ideally, you know, doing something with other people — and put it in your calendar to do it regularly.”

By adding in other activities outside work, people also tend to diversify their identities, which helps during the inevitable setbacks and failures throughout a career, said Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, science director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. The center is a research institute that studies the psychology, sociology and neuroscience of well-being.

For example, someone might think, “I might have missed that due date or lost that opportunity to do a project, because now we don’t have the funding for it,” Simon-Thomas added. “But my friends and neighbors are all so excited to talk with me about the book that we all read … or I have to show up and play second base (in baseball) on Tuesday, and I’m important, and I matter in those other contexts.”

Finding meaning in work

The average person will spend an estimated one-third of their life at work — about 90,000 hours. If someone does not enjoy what they do during this large chunk of time, it can be “a huge problem,” said Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a researcher on happiness and a distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.

But if someone is not able to switch jobs to something more in tune with their interests, there are other ways to spin a more positive outlook on work, said Lyubomirsky, who is also the author of the book “The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want.”

When thinking about your daily activities, ask yourself if “there is something you can find that you feel like, ‘maybe this is making the life of one person easier or better,’” Lyubomirsky said.

Even by completing small tasks such as sending out an email at work, a person can relate this effort back to core values and goals, Simon-Thomas said.

Whether someone is interested in a career path in science and studying longevity, or invested in the arts and hope to inspire future generations, these small tasks can point to larger goals, she said. Tell yourself something like, “I’m answering those emails so that I can accomplish this particular task, which will enable us to commence this project. And this project is in the service of this bigger aim or vision or goal that’s so valuable to me,” she added.

It is also important to foster relationships in the workplace, Lyubomirsky said, and research has shown that having conversations with people throughout the day can cause small bursts of positive emotions. Those bursts can also come from treating oneself to things such as a sweet treat or a walk in the park during a work break, she said.

“The hallmark of happiness is the experience of frequent positive emotions. Positive emotions could be joy, but it could also be curiosity. It could be calm, pride, affection — it could be lots of things depending on the person,” Lyubomirsky said. “So (think to yourself), what are ways that you could create those little bursts of positive emotion?”

Article by Taylor Nicioli.